March 12, 2018
Happy Birthday! You are 5!
I have to admit, I have procrastinated for a few days writing this birthday letter. I have had a tough time accepting the fact that you are five. I know in a few years I will look back, and five will seem so little, but right now, it just feels very very big.
In the past few weeks, you seem to have just grown UP. You decided all on your own that you were going to stop sucking your thumb at night (even though I have been trying for a year to get you to quit). And you did! Just like that, you stopped that very night and haven’t looked back. You have also decided that you were ready to take your training wheels off, and have declared that you will be swimming all by yourself this summer (you were pretty close at the end of last year, so I think you will be off to a great start). But, all of these declarations of big kid things have me grasping at the few things that make you still seem little. And, there aren’t many for me to hang onto.
You are growing up whether I like it or not.
I think one thing I am struggling with is the fact that for so long I identified myself as a “mom of littles”. But, my littles aren’t so little anymore, and with that, I am having to figure out my new place in the mom world.
Perhaps what I am struggling with the most is the realization that you are my last baby. I had never quite made peace with the fact that we would not have another baby, but it seems like that is the case. And I don’t think I did a good enough job savoring all of those “lasts” when it came to all things baby. And, now, in the blink of an eye, you are no longer a baby or even a toddler. And, as amazing as it is to see you grow up to be an incredible kid, my mama heart longs for the baby things again (only some of the baby things…not all of them- like diapers and middle of the night feedings…).
But, this morning I photographed a newborn that belongs to a family that lost their first born at 3 months old to an unexplainable brain hemorrhage. And what a wake-up call that was for me! Here I was bemoaning the fact that I had a 5 year old, when this family would give the world to have the gift of celebrating the 5th birthday of their first son.
So, no more mama pity parties for me! I am ready to fully celebrate the sweet, tender hearted, emotional, dramatic, thoughtful, loving FIVE Year Old that you are!
I will embrace and treasure the fact that I have had 5 years (and two days) of wonderful you! 5 years of snuggles. 5 years of the most amazing smile. 5 years of crying and dramatic meltdowns (look out teenage years!). 5 years of giggles and ear piercing squeals. 5 years of baby dolls and all things pink (although now when someone asks what your favorite color is, your response is “the whole rainbow and pink and aqua”). Five. Wonderful. Years.
How blessed I am to have gotten to be your mama for all this time!!
Happy birthday, my sweet girl!